Evening Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

Late-night's prominent comedians spent their evening criticizing former President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration program, called the "golden visa," portraying it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy.

Colbert's Witty Analysis

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas song directed at the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys everything he touches."

The focus was the new initiative that permits foreign nationals to buy U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "premium" tier for $5 million. An official portal guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"One note for you to wealthy foreigners: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, with hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best vetting the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow rich overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval ratings during financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to tackle prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of food items, where he behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.